The Art of Noticing

Darin Jawahar

On the Plastic Mind

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I had two New Year’s resolutions this year: to respect my time, and to stop giving it away so easily.

Though I hate saying definitive things, I have pretty bad people-pleasing tendencies

And though I went a long while following my two New Year’s resolutions (yes, it has only been one month) this has been enough time to send myself back into the familiar hell of not having my self-interest at hand.

Earlier this week, my friends and I were talking about how we could plan the rest of our day: studying, working out, eating together. I knew that I had to lock in for a project for the rest of the day. Working out with them, for me, made little sense. And naturally, I said yes immediately. Automatically. If everyone else was happy that I was there, then I must be a good person. Or at least a nice one.

It wasn’t until one of them joked, “okay pushover,” that made me rethink what happened. It was spoken very casually. My mind was sent to a spiral, but my body was experiencing a release. I felt insulted, yet oddly enlightened?

It made me question: am I truly a nice person, or just someone who shows they can’t set boundaries for themselves? This whole time, could both of my New Year’s resolutions be condensed into one?

I’ve been reading more about personality theory and the MBTI lately, just as a way to understand how people make decisions. It’s pseudoscience, so I use it more as a belief, but I was fascinated to learn about the idea that each personality type has a function stack. As an ENFP, my weakest function is Introverted Sensing. This highlights memory, routine, bodily awareness, and stability. All the things that are supposed to help you feel grounded over time.

I was even more thrilled to realized that I’ve been ignoring them all. Avoiding them! Splendid!

But thinking further beyond what I have to strengthen, I don’t think I thrive well in environments where my time feels negotiable. Where it’s hard to ever know if you are being agreeable or being good. Where my values are compromised by having to prove myself.

In the US, achievement and success are very personal—its all based on what you can see. Time feels like it moves faster. Everyone is trying to distinguish themselves , but finds themselves blending in a crowd of insecurity.

When I was abroad, there was less obsession with immediate payoff. I didn’t feel the need to prove myself to be accepted as I was. Sinking into collectivist values resonated with me and actually increased authentic expression.

I now understand how my nervous system reacts to one environment versus the other. It could’ve been the people, the nature, maybe both in Africa. But it was an unfamiliar heaven. And my body understood that—before my mind could notice.

The brain changes based on what its repeatedly exposed to. And I think, in a way, I have been at odds with abandoning my mind abroad since coming back home.

It was never about disappointing other people or being less nice, but creating a relationship with myself and regulating my nervous system to serve my memories abroad justice. About being the architect of my own environment. If I work on strengthening my inferior function, perhaps I can thrive in any environment